Music Mondays

As you might have noticed, I took the liberty to take a short break for the holidays but don't worry, I haven't forgotten about you :) 

For me Christmas isn't only the time to focus on family, but it gives a moment to reflect and meditate on the past year and start preparing for the new one coming. I know this can be a season of grief and distress for those with difficult or painful circumstances... I love my family, more than anything, but it can be challenging at times being under one roof and having the pressure of, well, a Merry Christmas. I've noticed how easy it is for me to create a mask to hide behind. Even though we had a wonderful time with my family, I'm such an emotional and sensitive being that these kind of occasions stir things up in me and ironically it's sometimes the closest people before whom I get scared of being vulnerable with. I'm not able to shake the memories of what Christmas used to be like when I was a kid and when my family used to be whole. In all honesty, I don't even want to forget. Those memories are painful, but beautiful in all their rawness. Regret and living in the past are not something I tolerate but being honest to myself and processing through what my heart is bringing up has been a key to healing and building a solid foundation. Instead of being swallowed by melancholy, I understand that we have the chance to create our own holiday traditions now, as a new family, and make them just as unforgettable. Even if the adjustment takes some time. 

The Gladiator soundtrack is one of a kind. I feel like the movie wouldn't be as good without it. Even though I absolutely love movie soundtracks, I rarely listen to them on a regular basis except for a few exceptions, this being one of them. It seems to have so many layers that every time I listen to it, it moves me in a new way. Whether your holidays have been merry or gloomy, I want to remind you of this indescribable gift called life. A New Year is right around the corner and once again we have the opportunity to turn it into our very own master piece.

"Pain means you're growing.
Fear means you're risking.
Tears mean it mattered.
Take what hurts you and let it help you."
Mandy Hale

xxx

Music Mondays

If you haven't heard of Jazmine Sullivan, now is the time. This lady has been shining behind the curtains for some time, but I'm really hoping she'll get the attention that her level of talent deserves. Not only is she an incredible vocalist but also writes a lot of her own material. I admire her for her honest lyrics and fearless attitude that radiates that strong woman glow. I picked this particular performance because of it's controversial setting of singing a song written to women, to an all male crowd. "Stupid Girls" is one of her songs from her upcoming album that's released in January 2015. If you like what you heard, I would suggest listening to her other two singles "Forever don't last" and "Mascara", as well as dig into her previous material. I think it'll have you good till next Monday ;)

xxx

Purple Haze

Today was the first time in almost two weeks that I got to act normal. Despite a little cough that's been dragging along, I'm pretty much back to life as it was and it felt great changing those sweats into this cute knitted dress. Nothing could have made me happier than the wonderful glare of the natural phenomenon, aka the sun, that we only get in sample size pieces in the winter times. These rays were captured at almost noon, so that's as high as it gets right now. Luckily I've found my way out of the seasonal blues, otherwise last week would have knocked me out like Ali did Sonny. 

This season I've had to really practise how to motivate myself when there is no outside force pushing me forward. In all honesty, I had very low self-disciplinary skills to start with so it's been a bumpy road. When you add fear of failure and a need to please others around me, it was pretty much a recipe for disaster. But let me emphases, was. I still haven't achieved some of my greatest dreams, but I've taken steps and it's the small rivers that lead to the big, blue ocean. "Don't despise the small beginnings" has been the word of this season for me and I need to remind myself of it continuously, matter of fact, I think I need to write that down somewhere where I'll see it everyday. Like I've said before, we often have the tendency to look at talented people and think they were just born like that, when in reality their talent is the product of nothing fancier than passion combined with the sweat of their brow. The key to excellence in any area lies in how we handle the small things. How could I run my own business, if I'm not able to stay on top of my own ménage? The things I do in secret, when no one else is looking, are what define me. That's when the hearts true state is revealed and that's where I need to work on myself, if I'm longing for change. Learning how to clean up after myself, make it to the gym and sacrifice for someone else's benefit have been key elements in the pursuit of my ultimate goals. I had a moment while I was reading an article on how to deal with the day-to-day work of artistic development and the writer compared it to house chores. Just like you'll never finish your laundry (because there will be more the next day), you'll never be finished with your development, but it's the attitude towards it that counts. It was a moment of realisation to me, that by doing laundry (or any other activity needing discipline) I was enforcing the very traits that will help become a better singer. Of course it's easier to get myself doing something that I'm passionate about, but even the most wonderful things in life can bring a headwind that just needs to be pushed through. Whatever your occupation is at a moment, don't despise it, even if it's not your dream job. Look around you and find the areas where you can grow in. Whether it's social or administrative skills, take advantage of where you're at and work with the resources you've been given. Who knows, maybe they'll birth the needed catalyst to achieving your very dreams.

xxx

Photos by Adriana Dobrin

Wool dress: Malene Briger

Check Shirt: American Eagle

Leather jacket: Rock'n'Blue

Beanie: Beyond

Sneakers: Nike

Bag: Calvin Klein

Music Mondays

A week has gone by and it seems like I'm stuck with an seemingly unrelenting flu. You would think that after a week of lying in bed (and couch, and floor..), watching movies, reading and eating a lot of dark chocolate (because it apparently is the best remedy for a bad cough) would have me back on my feet already, but I guess the odds are against me this time.

Instead of continuing with my whining, I rather try take up a topic that can too easily come off as bland because of all the pep talks going around on every Instagram account. My subject is none other than thankfulness. But here's the deal: I don't mean the "think about how much better you're off than a lot of children in third world countries", because lets be honest…many of us have discovered that having a roof over your head and food in your fridge does make life a whole lot easier and yet doesn't seem to bring any real happiness. Yes, all the material things we have are not to be taken for granted but there's a reason why Finland, probably one of the best well off countries in the world, has extremely high depression and suicide rates. Material doesn't seem to be the cure for our upset hearts. So why thankfulness? Let me just say, that there's some kind of rule of nature, that it takes a lot of hard work to depress a thankful heart. I want to take us deeper because I just don't like being thankful by comparing (it's still comparing! I'm better off than my neighbour. Yay? Not.). For example, my heart really starts to fill up with hope and joy when I think about how my mother broke out of deep sorrow and turned her whole life around or when we got to spend two life changing years in beautiful California. It's those moments where prayers were answered and things fell into place in unimaginable ways. When our car broke down and someone sold us one for almost no money a few days later. Or when I found the man who really loves me and not just body, just like Alicia here. I literally started writing a list of my history of blessings and even though I'm deep under covers and sheets, my mind began to soar.


If your man hasn't come along yet, make up your own words and sing about what hopeless situation turned around for you? If you don't feel convinced just do me a favour and pick any moment in your life where it felt like even a small beam of sun shone through those clouds and meditate on it for a couple minutes. That's not too much asked, right? If you need a boost, this beat and Myers sultry voice lifts my spirit up every time I need that extra kick and I can't imagine it doing anything less for you. Happy Thankful Monday everyone!!

xxx

Night Night Owl

This week has been pretty rough. As an extrovert and external processor, laying home sick is nothing but torture. My poor husband is flooded with all the thoughts that I've had to keep in all day and can't hold back the moment I see his, another human beings, face. I have a tendency to go a little craycray when I'm left by myself for too long…so lets hope, for everyone's sake, that this will be over soon! Being sick also made it impossible for me to take this weeks photos, so here's an unpublished pic from last summer instead. Those colours make me almost feel that summer breeze….

Even before I got sick my sleeping rhythm was completely out of whack and staying up until 4am was rather a rule than an exception. Changing that was challenging because I don't have an early morning job and we don't have much daylight or sunshine this time of the year, so it doesn't really matter what hours I'm up or asleep. What I noticed was that I still had anxiety about having to get my life on track, because staying up all night and sleeping in are somehow detrimental. Why? As I looked further into it, there seems to be little scientific evidence on whether being an early bird or a night owl is the higher and better way to live. Early birds definitely have an edge because they fit better with our western society's schedule. It's difficult to thrive at work if you need to be ready for battle at 9am, and you only got a few hours of sleep. If typical workdays and classes occurred later in the day, it could be a whole different story. Early birds tend to be more optimistic and proactive and less prone to depression and addictions, where as the night owls tend to be more creative, risk takers and have higher cognitive abilities. Since both have their pros and cons, the wisdom lies in finding my peak performance times instead of following blindly some so called virtues.

This whole thought process led me to realise how important it is to question why I'm doing things the way I am. Because I like to improve and learn I often ask myself that question, but apparently I've let some traits slip through the cracks of everyday routines. Even though I purposefully fight against dwelling on what other people think of me and whether I fit into my environment or not, it still seems to have a hold on my thoughts. The question is: how would I really live, if I didn't limit myself with trying to live to the expectations of others, but only thrived to be the best me? How about you?



xxx

Photo by Adriana Dobrin

Music Mondays

I've been hit by the flu-truck, again, so today has gone by swiftly by just sleeping and watching Style Like U's amazing and inspiring "What's underneath" project. These interviews have been created by a mother&daughter duo, who's heart is to celebrate all forms of beauty, changing the mainstream ideal of beauty and promoting self-acceptance. Every interviewed person strips down, physically and emotionally, to empower people worldwide to express and accept themselves. I normally tend to shy away from nudity in the media simply because it's been so horrendously exploited, turning sex and sexuality into something cheap and disreputable. I think our bodies are something beautiful and invaluable and go hand in hand with our soul and spirit. But this project did it in a way where the body was exposed to the same measure as the soul and it unveiled something very graceful and powerful at the same time.

Todays pick of music is the legendary, one and only, Marvin Gaye. On days like these I can listen to him nonstop and never get tired of his sound. I guess that's one criteria for great music in my books, it still touches even after listening to it the thousandth time. As a singer I've realised the importance of finding that own sound, that distinguishes me from everyone else. The only way to get in touch with it is really just accepting myself for who I am and embracing it flaws and all. Whether you're a singer or not, we all possess our own sound and voice. It's your own style of doing things, the flavour and scent that's manifested in everything you create. We can live our lives in these ready set moulds, copying one another and wondering why it often doesn't fit right, or accept that we are all unique and can only thrive in being exactly ourselves and nothing else. What if Marvin Gaye hadn't embraced his voice and instead, tried to imitate James Brown? Sounds crazy but that's exactly what we all seem to do a lot of times.

There's no better way to say it than in the words of Shameless Maya: "Do you, Boo!"

xxx

Boss(y)

Two days ago I had a lovely coffee date with my friend and our chat contained everything from politics to what it's like to be a mother (she just had her second baby, and what a little cutie he is!). She shared an incident she witnessed on the playground not too long ago. There was a kindergarten group out at the same place and they were all playing and screaming, aka being kids. The group had equally boys and girls but instead of addressing the whole group, their leader told the girls to be quiet and behave, because apparently that's what's expected of girls at all times.

 Ever since I was young I can remember being called bossy, pushy and stubborn. I definitely embodied those traits and I feel bad for those who had to follow my rules on the playground… I guess this is my apology! But being labeled that way, made me feel like they were something I needed to change about myself and things that didn't have any value. There's been more talk about how girls and boys are treated differently from a very young age on, simply because of their gender. Don't get me wrong, I do think there are differences between male and female which is only a strength to mankind, but we have built our opinions on restrictive stereotypes that stem from a history of repressing women. Lately there have been multiple movements addressing this issue that we all thought was already fought for in the 70's by bra burning activists, and yet it is still well and alive in our modern society. I was 21 years old when I was asked to lead a group, because my superior was convinced of my natural leadership skills. I was baffled. Up to that point, I had often felt like that side of me was too loud, too big and needed to be contained. What I didn't realise, was that those very qualities could be my strengths when harnessed well. Too many women diminish their calling and desires, because they're afraid to step out of our culturally defined "woman, wife, mother" box. In the past I didn't want to be associated with being a feminist, but it was simply because of my narrow-mindedness and wrong perception of what feminism truly means. It still is a loaded word and causes a lot of mixed reactions, because some have used it to get revenge for their broken and hurting hearts. I'm not mad at men and I do shave my legs. I also want to see women reach their full potential, without any external restrictions holding them back and I think that's exactly what feminism is about.

If I had been a boy on that playground, I would have been most likely called ambitious, strong and a leader instead. It's time for us to set aside mindsets that rob half of the worlds population from pursuing freely their ambitions. Not all women have a desire to lead, but all should have the freedom to make that choice for themselves. If you think that women are unfit to lead, you've probably been fooled to believe a very restricted view on leadership. To this day, leadership skills have been defined by the men in charge, but a dominantly male leadership only represents half the truth. Differences have always seemed scary to human minds, whether it's been about race, gender or beliefs, but diversity is truly what brings forth the best in our world. Utilising the whole variety of our toolbox, instead of trying to do every job with a screwdriver, is just much more effective.

 This post contains maybe a few percent of my thoughts on this subject but I feel for you, my dear readers, and won't overwhelm you with too much writing even though I could go on and on... Please feel free to comment below, if you feel like discussing this further :)



xxx

Photos by Eino Manner

Sweater: Zara

Jeans: BikBok

Booties: H&M

Earrings: Zara

Music Mondays

Last night was my husbands 31st birthday and as we were dancing the night away, this song came up. One of our friends pulled out his Shazam app and cursed how slowly it was processing the music. My first reaction was obviously pure shock, that someone (who listens to this type of music) wouldn't know this song. So just to be sure that all you wonderful readers aren't deprived of Ll Cool J's & Total's goodness, I decided to make this today's pick for Music Mondays. I have to say that I miss the old school sound of strong rap lyrics blended with soft r'n'b vocals and can't stop smiling when one of these goldies is played. Maybe this will make you move a little as well and dance that stress away. Solo home dance parties are definitely one of my favourite remedy for any kind of tension. I challenge you to give it a try! All you need is some good music (like this), some space and an attitude to just let go. Close your eyes, don't think about what you look like, but focus on the music and let it move you. I guarantee it will at least put a smile on your face :)

xxx

Talented?

My striped pants have found their way into my winter closet. What better way to spice up the casual black and white outfit and give it a little edge? My handbag had been squished in my closet and left with these not so fancy wrinkles (the other side would have been perfectly fine), but I only noticed it after we took these pictures so please bare with me :)

In just three days we're starting the last month of 2014. In the previous years I've experienced some kind of panic at this point, feeling like I definitely didn't achieve all that I wanted and the ending of the year just really pointing that out. The worst thing about thinking that way is that it basically spoils the last month for me, because it convinces me that the game is already lost. Sounds like a completely ridiculous way of thinking (because it really is), but that has been my reality. This year it's different. I'm at peace with what this year has brought me and what I have a contributed to it. Of course there's always need for improvement and when I critically look at my circumstances, I know I could have done better. But I guess this is the first time I'm not comparing my achievements to someone else's, but actually seeing how far I've come in my own personal journey. This year I have overcome fears, built my identity, pursued my passions, travelled, loved fiercely, spent time with people I really care about and found new strengths in me. I did fail, get off track and almost give up at times, but I always got back up and continued from where I had left off. 

Recently I came across a couple articles on what successful people do differently. We naturally think that there's a lot of talent involved, hard work and maybe some luck. But these articles really challenged the talent part. What is talent in the end? We are so used to seeing great musicians concerts or top-athletes peak performances and ending up thinking how talented they are and yet if we asked any of them, they would right away point out to the extremely hard work they've put in to making it look so effortless. What if talent is more of an interest, but the people we label as "talented" just know how to turn that interest into success by the simple use of old school hard work? Heidi Grant Halvorson, PhD, a motivational psychologist and researcher listed some interesting differences between the successful ("talented") and unsuccessful mindsets. She calls it the Be Good vs. Get Better approach (you can watch her video here or read the article in Finnish here). She points out how in their studies researchers have found out two main mindsets that influence our motivation. The "be good" people (apparently most of us), who think that what they do, wether they succeed or fail, is a reflection of how good they are and the "get better" people, who instead of constantly trying to prove their greatness to the world, focus on improving and personal growth. Basically the "talented" people we all admire (or are jealous of), have most likely adapted the get better way of thinking. The most crucial feature of this mindset is that when faced with difficulties and adversities, it only motivates to work even harder which in turn pulls those dreams closer with every attempt.

This research pretty much put into words what I've experienced this past year. I used to be a be good person to the extreme and I can only say that it almost took me under. Now that I've worked on reprogramming my thinking from letting my doing define my identity to my identity defining my doing, from comparing myself with others to comparing myself with who I was before, I've already visibly felt the difference. These are not just some nice and fluffy words I wrap myself into just to make me feel good about myself but as stated before; even science backs it up. So if there is no such thing as natural talent, or lack thereof, but the real key to my success lies in my mind and the way I think, there aren't too many excuses why I shouldn't believe that I can really become whatever I put my beautiful, powerful mind on to. How about you?



xxx

Photos by Eino Manner

Jacket: Malene Birger

Jeans: Top Shop

Booties: Ralph Lauren

Music Monday

Todays pick was given to me by a dear friend of mine. Even though I would love to go on about  how beautiful this song and duo is, I feel like this time I need to keep quite and let the song speak for itself. 

Just…enjoy.

xxx

Ready For Love

Here are a couple more snapshots from our trip to CA and NYC last summer. Gosh I miss the US…the air, the people, the atmosphere, and that tan! I remember when there was a time when I didn't want to live there, because of all the bias attitudes and comments I'd listened to, and yet it became the one place I've felt the most at home. Obviously I've realised that home is where my people, family and friends are, but the past years I've had my closest people living across the globe and it seems like a distant fantasy to have everyone even in one country at the same time. Thank God for plains, trains, FaceTime, Skype and Whatsapp!

I wrote on one of my Music Mondays how loving yourself comes with a new, deeper love for others as well. We can only give from what we have. The past years I've slowly taken down the walls of "I won't let anyone hurt me again" and "No one will come that close to me" that I as a young woman vowed in the darkness of my pain and disappointment. Those vows made me immune to feeling the hurt and kept everyone around me at a distance. It was a safe place in the sense of protecting myself from possible sorrow, but it came with a cost. It kept me from experiencing the rawness and realness of love, the fulness of my existence. I was basically living only on the very surface in the ocean of life. Now that those forts have come down crumbling, I've been overwhelmed with the emotions it has brought. In our culture emotions are not of high value and rarely shown in public, but that hasn't stopped me. Letting myself feel the pain when faced with hurtful actions by people I love, hasn't made me weaker but healthier. I think all emotions find their way out one way or the other, but when they're suppressed it's usually detrimentally. Now I've made new vows. That I will cry as much as needed whenever I have the need for it. I will also fall deeper in love and let my closest people come frighteningly close. Yes, it means I'm positioned to being wounded by their mistakes, but for the first time I'm also positioned to receive the richness of unconditional love. No pain or sorrow can diminish it and no drug can replicate it. So here I am, open and undone. I am ready for love.

xxx

Music Mondays

This past week I've mainly listened to some of the all time greats like Ella Fitzgerald, Miles Davis, Billie Holiday and Louis Armstrong. I can't remember what age I was when I first heard Louis' What a wonderful world, but I guess that was the moment I fell in love with strong male voices (as a fierce comic lover, Optimus Prime from Transformers and Thor have some of the best one's found in movies). Probably because of that first love, jazz has always had a soothing effect on me. There's nothing like coming home after a long day and playing some of these tunes…whether I'm sad, happy or lonely, there's always a song that has that emotion contained and released into melodies that ease any heartache and make the sun shine even brighter.

Even though Body and soul is a troubled hearts cry for the one true love, it's in no way depressing. I guess real love can never seem completely hopeless, for just love in itself is worth living for.

xxx

Too Positive

This grey weather needed a serious punch of colour and yellow was my pick for the day. Finland is notorious for its endless shades of grey and it's that time of the year when darkness is slowly but surely swallowing up the last rays of light. This also becomes the time where I need to gear up and prepare myself for the long winter to come, so that the casualties are as low as possible. One of my tools, as simple and obvious it sounds, is focusing on the positive. Being positive isn't equal to throwing out all the facts and your brain, or just looking at everything through rose coloured glasses. It's also not about being irresponsible or dumb. Being positive is about seeing very clearly what is going on, but instead of focusing on the can'ts and the impossibilities, I'll choose to find the things that I can affect and change with my actions. For example, volunteering for an anti human trafficking organisation has made this very obvious. When laying out the specifics of this horrendous human rights issue, it's not easy to keep a joyful attitude. There are approximately 27 million slaves in the world today (more than ever in history), it's the fastest growing criminal industry (32 yearly profits), more than half of the victims are women and children (average age of a trafficking victim is 12 years old)... Yes, these facts are cruel and all in my face, but burying my head in them would only make me want to quit all together because it seems like an impossible mission. With that kind of thinking this world would have come to an end a long time ago. So I won't close my eyes to the reality, but I will pour my energy into the effort I can make to see this injustice disappear once and for all. It won't happen overnight, but I can't let that deject me. Even if my work saved only one person, it would all be worth it. And with dedicated people and their brilliant and creative minds, we're able to affect waaay more people than that!

This mentality really goes with anything in life. It's like an unwritten law of nature. If I let myself be overwhelmed with all the things that seem too difficult or even impossible to tackle, I'll become completely passive, will halt any growth and basically only end up empowering those negativities. Wether it's a bad habit or a global cause you're wanting to change, keeping your eyes fixed on what you can do and staying positive is actually the wisest and most effective way of going about any issue. I've come to the conclusion that instead of ignorance or silliness, positivity should be associated with words like vision and perseverance. Honestly, I'd run with those attributes any time of the year…

"I am too positive to be doubtful, too optimistic to be fearful and too determined to be defeated."

xxx

Photos by Eino Manner

Outfit: ZARA

Except for bag: Calving Klein

Music Mondays

My husband had his albums ten year anniversary last friday and he had two gigs on the same night dedicated to it. After his incredible and raw performance we just danced the night away to ridiculously good music and I have to say; my soul was filled to overflowing. It was a perfect night in every way.

One of the consequences of loving yourself is that you begin to love others around you as well. The best part of it is that you don't even have to force it, because most of the time it just spills from the overflow. When I used to dislike myself, it was a struggle to even keep my love on for the people closest to me. I was so concerned about my own needs and sad and empty heart, that giving from it seemed more like an impossibility. Yes, the old saying couldn't be more true: You can't love anyone unless you love yourself. How could you accept someone else's flaws if you don't even accept your own? 

I used to feel a lot of shame about my past and identified myself with it. I thought there was something wrong with me, that I couldn't be worthy of love. It was evident in the ways I judged others. A loved and confident person has no need to dig for the dirt in people, quite the opposite. It will look for the gold, always hope for the best and keep no record of wrongs. I realise that those are heavy words, but the deeper I've fallen into Love, the more sense they make. When I learned to love myself I became a better friend, daughter, sister and wife. Self-love was never meant to be selfish, but the base for a healthy heart that can give from its abundance. Learning to love yourself will free you to not just be yourself, but be the best version of yourself for everyone around you as well. Isn't that a good reason to start working on some self-love?

One of my favourite songs the DJ played on friday night was this gem. I hadn't heard it in ages and the moment those guitar riffs filled the room, I felt it in my bones. Maybe it's the rawness of Wycleff's and Mary's vocals, the fullness of the beat or the heart wrenching lyrics, but it seems to summarise the essence of unrefined love. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

xxx

Grace Jones and Super Humans

I really just want to make one point today, but I need a few sentences to explain it.
Because I was such a troubled and insecure teenager, I grew up seeing successful, genuinely joyful, multitasking power houses as super humans. Kind of like in comics (which I'm a huge fan of) where these special people had received their powers from some gene mutation or alien parents and were destined to save the world (or to take over it). So growing up, bound by my lack of confidence, I came to the conclusion that I just missed the gene that could make me fly, figuratively speaking of course... I was tortured with the dreams I hid in my heart, because I felt like they were completely impossible to achieve. Ever. What was taking place was that my fears and adversities became my identity.

Someone wiser than me once said that our actions don't actually define us, but they do reveal us. For example, I don't think we're inherently lazy or unproductive, but when someone's waisting their whole life laying on a couch or stuck at a job they hate, it reveals that somewhere along the way they have lost sense of their true identity. Getting to the root and dealing with it, is what's going to open the doors to a fulfilled life. Obviously we're all gifted in different areas. We all have natural talents that we've been strong at since we can remember, but our upbringing and the environment during our developmental years often defines our core values and inner world, leaving a mark on how we perceive life. I have never met a healthy child, that didn't dream big and believed that they could do anything they put their mind on. I'm arriving at my one point now, so bear with me… those super humans are actually just regular humans, like you and me. The only difference being that while growing up they didn't unlearn the valuable trait of knowing who they are and what they are capable of. They experience the same fears, anxieties and negative thoughts just like everyone else, but they know those feelings don't define them. They've learned to not perceive them as their own, but as visiting negativites that they have the power to say no to. The same power we all possess. You might have lost yours in a traumatic event, stressful situation or unloving home, but it's never too late to take hold of it again. Yes, all those who have pursued their dreams since age seven might be ahead in the game, but I'm not letting that discourage me. My story will be filled with character and such a great overcoming story that I can't even wait to share it with my grandchildren... What is your story going to look like?



xxx

Photos by Eino Manner

Sweatshirt: Ted's Draws

Romper: Vintage

Wool coat: Ajatar

Shoes: Wolverine

Bag: Calvin Klein

Music Mondays

No, it's definitely not easy to choose love. Especially when you're being hurt by the one's you love. It's not easy to believe in love, when it's only been associated with pain. It's not easy to love yourself, when your the one who knows every gritty detail of your being. Hearing someone talk about love might feel frustrating, because it has lost it's meaning with the inflation of empty words repeated out of a habit.

But love…is the sole reason of our existence. Don't ever confuse it with the cheesy lines in some romantic comedy. Love is far from being just a feeling since it is the strongest force on this planet. It's what we all live for, whether we do it consciously or not. It's a mother and father giving up their lives for their children, a sister taking care of her brother, an encouraging friend in the moment of despair, a man putting his wife first. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. I don't think there are enough words to explain the depths of what love truly is… but I'll still give it a try, over and over again. 

In Musiq Soulchild's words:

Love,

So many people use your name in vain

Love,

Those who have faith in you sometimes go astray

Love,

Through all the ups and downs, the joys and hurts

Love,

For better or worse I still will choose you first.

xxx

Unconditional

I just finished a five hour FaceTime call with my friend/sister in California. There's just nothing like sharing life to every little detail, the good and the bad, and having someone who accepts you, encourages you and loves you the way you are. I hope every single person on this planet could experience relationships like that.

Talking of relationships… I think they are one of the most complicated and fascinating subjects of all time. Being married for over six years now has given me some insight, even though I know I've only touched the tip of the iceberg and that's really the beauty of it. It never gets boring because there's always more to discover, if you're ready to put in the work, go deep and dare to become naked, in other ways than just physically. One of the key revelations I've learned during these years, is the art of picking the plank out of my own eye before making a scene of the speck of sawdust in my husbands eye. In other words, work on my problems instead of only focusing on his. There was a time where I thought I was doing quite a good job as a wife and not understanding why my man is not living up to those standards. I couldn't have been more wrong. Emphasising his flaws only made me blind to all the areas he was excelling in and most importantly, the areas I was heavily failing at. Real love is unconditional, but mine had a list of conditions. If you did these things.. or If you stopped doing this.. were part of my regular "love language" and yet I wondered why I wasn't getting what I wanted. Thank God there was a point where a light bulb went off and I realised that you get what you sow. So with my nagging and complaining I reaped exactly that. It was quite a humbling moment to understand the selfishness of my actions, but when I finally did, I was able to change the course. I began to swallow my ego, look at the things I was falling short in and work on them. I figured out what his primary love languages are (based on the book The Five Love Languages by Gary D. Chapman, you can find out your love languages here) and began to love him in those ways, without conditions. It really changed the atmosphere in our relationship and took us to a deeper level of love. Of course it's important to take care of your own needs and speak openly if you feel like they are not met, but before blaming the other person for your issues, it never hurts to check out your own eye first. And this goes for all relationships, wether it's friends or family… I think learning to love well must be the most important assignment in our quest of a fulfilled life.

xxx

Photos by Eino Manner

Trench Coat: TopShop

Turtleneck: H&M

Jeans: Zara

Music Mondays

I just realised I've posted a lot of music by female artists lately, so who better to balance it out than Luther Vandross. His voice must have been made of pure silk and satin. This song takes me back to an ordinary day of cooking with my husband and Luther blasting his smooth tunes in the background.  In all its simplicity, it's one of my most romantic memories and we have a lot of them... Instead of always longing to find romance, happiness or satisfaction in things that are out of the regular, like grand trips or fancy restaurants, it's more rewarding to stop and find the joy in the everyday affairs. Of course it's fun and important to break out of routines and spice life up with new adventures, but it would be sad to become someone who only really lives on vacations, date nights or special occasions. My challenge lately has been instead of being grumpy about having to wash the dishes (it's really one of my least favourite things to do), I've turned the music up and made it a "Dancing with the dishes" moment instead. It sounds maybe too easy, but becoming more present and cultivating a thankful heart, really does make a difference in the daily life. Kind of like changing the picture from black and white to seeing the whole prism of colours. Why not give it a try?

xxx

Honest Heart

I found these pictures from our trip last summer to the US and since I haven't posted them, I decided to do it now. Better late than never, right? We had a wonderful time in San Diego, celebrating our dear friends' wedding. We were both part of the wedding party, so sadly I have no pictures of the ceremony, but even thinking about it now gives me chills… Just imagine the ceremony held outside, with San Diego's skyline as the backdrop, the bride walking up from a misty beach and the sun hanging low in the late afternoon. It was like from a fantasy. But honestly, even if I had had a camera in my hand, it would have been useless…some moments are meant to be seen with our bare eyes and not through a lens. After the wedding we went up to Los Angeles and I even had a chance to make a stop in my beloved NYC, but I'll post some of those pictures later.

I notice how writing my blog becomes more difficult when I'm not really connected to my heart. It's easy to fill every day with things to do, from morning till night, so that I don't have to ask myself how I'm really doing. Why am I feeling frustrated? I might blame it on the messy home, some annoying person or the horrible traffic, but if my heart was doing good, I wouldn't have these buttons to push on. What has triggered this restlessness? Pulling away from the pain seems to be the natural response, but I've learned that there's a greater reward in going towards it. Sitting down and letting myself feel my heavy heart, not being afraid of what it holds. Being honest to myself. Crying if I need to, even if I'm not sure why. Someone might think of it as a waste of time, but I see it as a strength. I rather keep track of my hearts inventory on a regular basis, than find myself unhappy and unsatisfied because I never understood to restock on what's missing.

xxx