Talented?

My striped pants have found their way into my winter closet. What better way to spice up the casual black and white outfit and give it a little edge? My handbag had been squished in my closet and left with these not so fancy wrinkles (the other side would have been perfectly fine), but I only noticed it after we took these pictures so please bare with me :)

In just three days we're starting the last month of 2014. In the previous years I've experienced some kind of panic at this point, feeling like I definitely didn't achieve all that I wanted and the ending of the year just really pointing that out. The worst thing about thinking that way is that it basically spoils the last month for me, because it convinces me that the game is already lost. Sounds like a completely ridiculous way of thinking (because it really is), but that has been my reality. This year it's different. I'm at peace with what this year has brought me and what I have a contributed to it. Of course there's always need for improvement and when I critically look at my circumstances, I know I could have done better. But I guess this is the first time I'm not comparing my achievements to someone else's, but actually seeing how far I've come in my own personal journey. This year I have overcome fears, built my identity, pursued my passions, travelled, loved fiercely, spent time with people I really care about and found new strengths in me. I did fail, get off track and almost give up at times, but I always got back up and continued from where I had left off. 

Recently I came across a couple articles on what successful people do differently. We naturally think that there's a lot of talent involved, hard work and maybe some luck. But these articles really challenged the talent part. What is talent in the end? We are so used to seeing great musicians concerts or top-athletes peak performances and ending up thinking how talented they are and yet if we asked any of them, they would right away point out to the extremely hard work they've put in to making it look so effortless. What if talent is more of an interest, but the people we label as "talented" just know how to turn that interest into success by the simple use of old school hard work? Heidi Grant Halvorson, PhD, a motivational psychologist and researcher listed some interesting differences between the successful ("talented") and unsuccessful mindsets. She calls it the Be Good vs. Get Better approach (you can watch her video here or read the article in Finnish here). She points out how in their studies researchers have found out two main mindsets that influence our motivation. The "be good" people (apparently most of us), who think that what they do, wether they succeed or fail, is a reflection of how good they are and the "get better" people, who instead of constantly trying to prove their greatness to the world, focus on improving and personal growth. Basically the "talented" people we all admire (or are jealous of), have most likely adapted the get better way of thinking. The most crucial feature of this mindset is that when faced with difficulties and adversities, it only motivates to work even harder which in turn pulls those dreams closer with every attempt.

This research pretty much put into words what I've experienced this past year. I used to be a be good person to the extreme and I can only say that it almost took me under. Now that I've worked on reprogramming my thinking from letting my doing define my identity to my identity defining my doing, from comparing myself with others to comparing myself with who I was before, I've already visibly felt the difference. These are not just some nice and fluffy words I wrap myself into just to make me feel good about myself but as stated before; even science backs it up. So if there is no such thing as natural talent, or lack thereof, but the real key to my success lies in my mind and the way I think, there aren't too many excuses why I shouldn't believe that I can really become whatever I put my beautiful, powerful mind on to. How about you?



xxx

Photos by Eino Manner

Jacket: Malene Birger

Jeans: Top Shop

Booties: Ralph Lauren

Music Monday

Todays pick was given to me by a dear friend of mine. Even though I would love to go on about  how beautiful this song and duo is, I feel like this time I need to keep quite and let the song speak for itself. 

Just…enjoy.

xxx

Ready For Love

Here are a couple more snapshots from our trip to CA and NYC last summer. Gosh I miss the US…the air, the people, the atmosphere, and that tan! I remember when there was a time when I didn't want to live there, because of all the bias attitudes and comments I'd listened to, and yet it became the one place I've felt the most at home. Obviously I've realised that home is where my people, family and friends are, but the past years I've had my closest people living across the globe and it seems like a distant fantasy to have everyone even in one country at the same time. Thank God for plains, trains, FaceTime, Skype and Whatsapp!

I wrote on one of my Music Mondays how loving yourself comes with a new, deeper love for others as well. We can only give from what we have. The past years I've slowly taken down the walls of "I won't let anyone hurt me again" and "No one will come that close to me" that I as a young woman vowed in the darkness of my pain and disappointment. Those vows made me immune to feeling the hurt and kept everyone around me at a distance. It was a safe place in the sense of protecting myself from possible sorrow, but it came with a cost. It kept me from experiencing the rawness and realness of love, the fulness of my existence. I was basically living only on the very surface in the ocean of life. Now that those forts have come down crumbling, I've been overwhelmed with the emotions it has brought. In our culture emotions are not of high value and rarely shown in public, but that hasn't stopped me. Letting myself feel the pain when faced with hurtful actions by people I love, hasn't made me weaker but healthier. I think all emotions find their way out one way or the other, but when they're suppressed it's usually detrimentally. Now I've made new vows. That I will cry as much as needed whenever I have the need for it. I will also fall deeper in love and let my closest people come frighteningly close. Yes, it means I'm positioned to being wounded by their mistakes, but for the first time I'm also positioned to receive the richness of unconditional love. No pain or sorrow can diminish it and no drug can replicate it. So here I am, open and undone. I am ready for love.

xxx

Music Mondays

This past week I've mainly listened to some of the all time greats like Ella Fitzgerald, Miles Davis, Billie Holiday and Louis Armstrong. I can't remember what age I was when I first heard Louis' What a wonderful world, but I guess that was the moment I fell in love with strong male voices (as a fierce comic lover, Optimus Prime from Transformers and Thor have some of the best one's found in movies). Probably because of that first love, jazz has always had a soothing effect on me. There's nothing like coming home after a long day and playing some of these tunes…whether I'm sad, happy or lonely, there's always a song that has that emotion contained and released into melodies that ease any heartache and make the sun shine even brighter.

Even though Body and soul is a troubled hearts cry for the one true love, it's in no way depressing. I guess real love can never seem completely hopeless, for just love in itself is worth living for.

xxx

Too Positive

This grey weather needed a serious punch of colour and yellow was my pick for the day. Finland is notorious for its endless shades of grey and it's that time of the year when darkness is slowly but surely swallowing up the last rays of light. This also becomes the time where I need to gear up and prepare myself for the long winter to come, so that the casualties are as low as possible. One of my tools, as simple and obvious it sounds, is focusing on the positive. Being positive isn't equal to throwing out all the facts and your brain, or just looking at everything through rose coloured glasses. It's also not about being irresponsible or dumb. Being positive is about seeing very clearly what is going on, but instead of focusing on the can'ts and the impossibilities, I'll choose to find the things that I can affect and change with my actions. For example, volunteering for an anti human trafficking organisation has made this very obvious. When laying out the specifics of this horrendous human rights issue, it's not easy to keep a joyful attitude. There are approximately 27 million slaves in the world today (more than ever in history), it's the fastest growing criminal industry (32 yearly profits), more than half of the victims are women and children (average age of a trafficking victim is 12 years old)... Yes, these facts are cruel and all in my face, but burying my head in them would only make me want to quit all together because it seems like an impossible mission. With that kind of thinking this world would have come to an end a long time ago. So I won't close my eyes to the reality, but I will pour my energy into the effort I can make to see this injustice disappear once and for all. It won't happen overnight, but I can't let that deject me. Even if my work saved only one person, it would all be worth it. And with dedicated people and their brilliant and creative minds, we're able to affect waaay more people than that!

This mentality really goes with anything in life. It's like an unwritten law of nature. If I let myself be overwhelmed with all the things that seem too difficult or even impossible to tackle, I'll become completely passive, will halt any growth and basically only end up empowering those negativities. Wether it's a bad habit or a global cause you're wanting to change, keeping your eyes fixed on what you can do and staying positive is actually the wisest and most effective way of going about any issue. I've come to the conclusion that instead of ignorance or silliness, positivity should be associated with words like vision and perseverance. Honestly, I'd run with those attributes any time of the year…

"I am too positive to be doubtful, too optimistic to be fearful and too determined to be defeated."

xxx

Photos by Eino Manner

Outfit: ZARA

Except for bag: Calving Klein

Music Mondays

My husband had his albums ten year anniversary last friday and he had two gigs on the same night dedicated to it. After his incredible and raw performance we just danced the night away to ridiculously good music and I have to say; my soul was filled to overflowing. It was a perfect night in every way.

One of the consequences of loving yourself is that you begin to love others around you as well. The best part of it is that you don't even have to force it, because most of the time it just spills from the overflow. When I used to dislike myself, it was a struggle to even keep my love on for the people closest to me. I was so concerned about my own needs and sad and empty heart, that giving from it seemed more like an impossibility. Yes, the old saying couldn't be more true: You can't love anyone unless you love yourself. How could you accept someone else's flaws if you don't even accept your own? 

I used to feel a lot of shame about my past and identified myself with it. I thought there was something wrong with me, that I couldn't be worthy of love. It was evident in the ways I judged others. A loved and confident person has no need to dig for the dirt in people, quite the opposite. It will look for the gold, always hope for the best and keep no record of wrongs. I realise that those are heavy words, but the deeper I've fallen into Love, the more sense they make. When I learned to love myself I became a better friend, daughter, sister and wife. Self-love was never meant to be selfish, but the base for a healthy heart that can give from its abundance. Learning to love yourself will free you to not just be yourself, but be the best version of yourself for everyone around you as well. Isn't that a good reason to start working on some self-love?

One of my favourite songs the DJ played on friday night was this gem. I hadn't heard it in ages and the moment those guitar riffs filled the room, I felt it in my bones. Maybe it's the rawness of Wycleff's and Mary's vocals, the fullness of the beat or the heart wrenching lyrics, but it seems to summarise the essence of unrefined love. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

xxx

Grace Jones and Super Humans

I really just want to make one point today, but I need a few sentences to explain it.
Because I was such a troubled and insecure teenager, I grew up seeing successful, genuinely joyful, multitasking power houses as super humans. Kind of like in comics (which I'm a huge fan of) where these special people had received their powers from some gene mutation or alien parents and were destined to save the world (or to take over it). So growing up, bound by my lack of confidence, I came to the conclusion that I just missed the gene that could make me fly, figuratively speaking of course... I was tortured with the dreams I hid in my heart, because I felt like they were completely impossible to achieve. Ever. What was taking place was that my fears and adversities became my identity.

Someone wiser than me once said that our actions don't actually define us, but they do reveal us. For example, I don't think we're inherently lazy or unproductive, but when someone's waisting their whole life laying on a couch or stuck at a job they hate, it reveals that somewhere along the way they have lost sense of their true identity. Getting to the root and dealing with it, is what's going to open the doors to a fulfilled life. Obviously we're all gifted in different areas. We all have natural talents that we've been strong at since we can remember, but our upbringing and the environment during our developmental years often defines our core values and inner world, leaving a mark on how we perceive life. I have never met a healthy child, that didn't dream big and believed that they could do anything they put their mind on. I'm arriving at my one point now, so bear with me… those super humans are actually just regular humans, like you and me. The only difference being that while growing up they didn't unlearn the valuable trait of knowing who they are and what they are capable of. They experience the same fears, anxieties and negative thoughts just like everyone else, but they know those feelings don't define them. They've learned to not perceive them as their own, but as visiting negativites that they have the power to say no to. The same power we all possess. You might have lost yours in a traumatic event, stressful situation or unloving home, but it's never too late to take hold of it again. Yes, all those who have pursued their dreams since age seven might be ahead in the game, but I'm not letting that discourage me. My story will be filled with character and such a great overcoming story that I can't even wait to share it with my grandchildren... What is your story going to look like?



xxx

Photos by Eino Manner

Sweatshirt: Ted's Draws

Romper: Vintage

Wool coat: Ajatar

Shoes: Wolverine

Bag: Calvin Klein

Music Mondays

No, it's definitely not easy to choose love. Especially when you're being hurt by the one's you love. It's not easy to believe in love, when it's only been associated with pain. It's not easy to love yourself, when your the one who knows every gritty detail of your being. Hearing someone talk about love might feel frustrating, because it has lost it's meaning with the inflation of empty words repeated out of a habit.

But love…is the sole reason of our existence. Don't ever confuse it with the cheesy lines in some romantic comedy. Love is far from being just a feeling since it is the strongest force on this planet. It's what we all live for, whether we do it consciously or not. It's a mother and father giving up their lives for their children, a sister taking care of her brother, an encouraging friend in the moment of despair, a man putting his wife first. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. I don't think there are enough words to explain the depths of what love truly is… but I'll still give it a try, over and over again. 

In Musiq Soulchild's words:

Love,

So many people use your name in vain

Love,

Those who have faith in you sometimes go astray

Love,

Through all the ups and downs, the joys and hurts

Love,

For better or worse I still will choose you first.

xxx