4/30/2015

Queen




It was a raining cats and dogs kind of day and in need for comfort I opted for a photo shoot on our balcony with a hot cup of tea making it real nice and cozy. Summer takes a long time to arrive up here and even if Spring generously gives some warm days, it usually stays in pretty brisk temperatures. Writing this blog, I often have many ideas on subjects I would love to write about, but my core value has been that I don't want this to become just a lecturing blog, but a real reflection of my journey. It's not always easy, since privacy is something I value, but I believe in the power of an honest testimony and if my journey can help even one soul, it has been well worth it.

When I did the Clifton Strengths Finder test, my number one strength was Futuristic. It basically means that the future fascinates me, I love to "peer over the horizon" and envision what could be, in very vivid and detailed images. I laughed out loud when I first read the description, because it was so accurate. "Wouldn't it be great, if…" has been one of my most used sentences. Basically, I'm a full on dreamer. The challenging part was, that even though I had no problem seeing myself in full action, doing the things I dreamed of, I didn't have the tools to actually make them happen. See, I could be the most gifted, inspiring and creative person on the planet, but if I did nothing else than sit on the couch, most probably, nothing will ever happen. No angel or magic is going to lift me up and suddenly put me where I dream to be. Even if God himself tells me who I am and what I will do in life, it still requires at the least my active partnership. Wanna know why?  Because we aren't puppets and we're not powerless. The reason for my inactivity was rooted in my belief, that I wasn't powerful to make them reality. It revealed how I saw myself; just like a puppet, running around in life, unable to affect the things taking place around me. Life is full of things that we can't change, our upbringing, things in the past, and they can create a challenge. They can make that mountain in front of us steeper, but guess what? We're also going to be the fittest when we reach the top. 

In my process, I've realised that I'm very blessed to not have been given sudden success and that when I was sixteen, I din't get everything I dreamed of. I wasn't ready. Even in nature, if you climb up a high mountain too fast, it will lead to the potentially serious and even life threatening mountain sickness, because you're body didn't have the time to adjust to not having as much oxygen. You've probably heard a million times, that it's the process that makes us rich, but it's also the process that determines whether we're going to last when we're on top. It's our inner world that determines a lot of what's going on on the outside. I heard of this project, where people who had been homeless for a long time were given brand new homes, palaces in their eyes. After a short period of time though, the homes were pretty much wrecked. Having to live on the streets, the people never had something like these houses to look after and take care of. Our inner world will always manifest on the outside. 

So instead of just waiting for that moment of success, I'm learning how to build something that will last. My inner world is being moulded. I'm learning to enjoy and live in the present, discovering the resources it presents. I'd rather be a Queen without a palace, than a pauper just living in one.



xxx



Photos by Anna Laulumaa

Sweater: Madewell
Jeans: Zara

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