Last week I experienced the surprise of my life… One of my best friends, who's just like family to me, had schemed together with my husband to completely rock my world by having her fly to Finland for my birthday. Never in my life have I experienced a shock like when I suddenly saw her walking in through our door. I think it took me a good thirty minutes to really understand what happened. Now she's long gone, but I feel like I'm still processing all of it.
Part of me understands that I could have never done anything to receive such unconditional love, but on the other hand there is a lot of work behind it. I have a few people in my life that I pursue fiercely. These are people that I have a covenant with, to do life together and to always support and stay vulnerable with each other. My husband is obviously number one on this list. I've noticed that for many a partner or spouse is the only one who gets to play such a significant part in life. I can't imagine loving anyone more than I do my husband and his love towards me has been one of the most powerful forces in my life. But even in all his greatness, he is not supposed to fill my every need. He is my husband, best friend and lover, but he could never be a sister or brother to me. In our world all love seems to be sexualised except for blood relations. Thinking that way steals us from some of the most beautiful encounters in life. Pursuing these relationships has at times felt risky and even scary, like sharing your heart always will, but the reward of experiencing such pure and transforming love is more than worth it. I've said it before; these people around me have played a huge role in me being who I am today and if I'm ever giving an acceptance speech anywhere, I'll be one of those boring never ending ones who aren't able to end one sentence without bursting into tears.
When we took our friend to the airport after her week here, I felt uneasy. We stayed up until her flight left in the morning (I might have rested my eyes for a moment..) so I was pretty exhausted the rest of the day, but I new something else felt off. After walking through different reasons why I'm feeling such anxiety I got to the root. I missed my friend. Even though we've done long distance for years now and we've said goodbye so many times before, it still hits me every time. Keeping our connection strong with FaceTime and Whatsapp is something we're used to, but having her here for a week reminded me of how it was when we still lived in California and how I was missing out on the day to day life together. I surprised even myself by what a waterfall my tears created, but after a while of just letting it out I felt much lighter. That great pain my heart was experiencing was proof of the great love I have the privilege of giving and receiving with the special people I have in my life. Even though I hate goodbyes and my heart is torn by the fact that so many of my closest people live far away, the reward of seeing their face even for just a week makes it all worth it. I feel incredibly rich and this wealth can't be measured with silver or gold. It's the richness of an open heart, able to receive that unconditional love and willing to give it back in return. It's the wealth of lives entwined together so closely that there's nothing you ever have to face alone.
xxx
Photos by Adriana Dobrin
Parka: Sams ø & Samsø
Dress: Zara
Plaid Shirt: Urban Outfitters
Shoes: Wolverine
Sunglasses: Rayban
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