Battles and Wars

It's incredible how many excuses I can come up with in my head when I'm afraid of doing something. Music has always been the language I've understood…from the age of three my favourite spot in our home was our stereo and a pair of headphones that were way too big for me. But every time I put them on and played whatever tape or CD I was able to get my hands on, I felt like I entered a different world. A world that didn't discriminate, didn't judge and welcomed me every time with open arms. Growing up, fear and insecurities began to creep into my heart, convincing me that those moments at the stereo weren't that special at all. That real musicians did this and that and I was rather average compared to all these other geniuses. Right there I should have realised how foolish those thoughts were, but my premature self-confidence didn't know how to stand up for myself. I've been peeling back the layers of those lies and insecurities, one by one, and I'm amazed how much I've hidden myself behind them. Scared that if I show my true colours, I won't be accepted. 

But if I'm not myself, I'm nothing at all. Now, for the first time, I'm really working on my music in the studio. It's the most wonderful and scary thing I've ever done in my life. I have weeks where I'm beyond ecstatic and then weeks, like this past one, where I'm wrestling with the thoughts that kept me captive for years. But even if I lose some battles, I will win this war.

We all have those areas in our hearts that are so sensitive and important that we are faced with the option of either hiding them out of fear or embracing them and releasing them, just as they were designed to. We live in a time and season where a lot of the impossibilities of the past have been broken and we can build on the achievements of those gone before us. Many of us have the privilege of living in free countries, our lives filled with abundance, but that is not the finish line. There are still so many inventions to be discovered, creations to be built, and art to be set free. The most beautiful thing about our dreams are, that their sole purpose is not only to make us happy and give us a feeling of achievement, but they are placed in us for us to shape this world. The greatest dreamers also left the greatest marks in history. Whether or not you're able to think outside of your own circumstances, your life has been intended to impact others around you. My friend sent me this quote from the TV-series Nashville: "It's not yours to throw away." Our lives are far too valuable to be thrown away simply because of fear. We are created for greatness, the miracle of life and our being proves that. It's our responsibility to carry that weight, face the risks and fears standing before us and walk into those battles. Even if some of them might be lost, you can win the war.

xxx

Photos by Adriana Dobrin

Turtleneck: Banana Republic

Skirt: Zara

Coat: Zara

Shoes: Dr.Martens

Bag: Michael Kors