Keys To Love

Todays post is maybe a little different from previous ones. I was at the gym with my PT (my friend who has received that as an honouree name) and like always, our conversations covered pretty much all aspects of life. After our workout we hit the stretching mats and ended up on the subject of relationships. My friend made a comment that made me feel honoured and sad at the same time. She said that she only knew one honestly happy couple, which was me and my husband. I felt honoured that she saw our relationship in such a way and that we can represent a happy relationship to her, but I was overwhelmed thinking that it's so rare and couldn't believe we were the only ones she could refer to. I met my husband almost ten years ago and I married young. Many thought I had lost my mind committing to someone at such a young age, but it has been one of the best decisions of my life. Relationships are never easy and they require a lot of hard work and sacrifice, but the gift you receive in return can't be measured nor compared. There are no magic quick fixes, like there hardly ever are in life, because it's all about our hearts and hearts don't always follow logic or reasoning. We are very much at the beginning of our journey and I know there is still a lot of ground to be conquered, but we've been lucky to get great advice and also learn from our mistakes. I think I could write endlessly on this subject, contemplating on all it's aspects, but today I wanted to just collect a couple ground rules that are at the base of our relationship.


People

I believe that the people around us define us, including our relationships. As a strong and confident person you can survive all by yourself, but I don't think anyone can thrive and reach their full potential without solid relationships. One of the most important tools in our relationship has been that were not only vulnerable with each other, but we both have our people, friends and family, that we're vulnerable with on a regular basis. I've talked with several people who are afraid of sharing parts of their relationship with others, because they don't want to speak ill of their significant other, but I think that can turn out to be a very mean trap. We all have blind spots and I think many disasters can be avoided when we invite people to shed light on them. Speaking ill of and sharing in the search of enlightenment are two completely different things. Who you choose to be your people is also very important. You want to find someone who pours water on the fires of disconnection and gas on the fire of love.

Renewing The Covenant

Almost seven years ago we said "I do" in front of over a hundred people, a priest and God. We made a covenant to love each other until death do us part. To keep that covenant alive we need to renew it every day, multiple times. We constantly confess our love for each other, in words and actions. I can't even count how many times a day we say "I love you" and we won't let the other leave anywhere without a kiss. It's the small and simple everyday choices that make a difference and define the direction of your relationship. Our words create worlds and when we confess our love to each other, even on the more challenging days, we not only remind each other about the true feelings of our heart, but we also remind ourselves that yes, this is the person I have chosen to love.

Love First

I've written on this probably a few times before… If we want to be loved, we have to be willing to love first. I had my moment where I realised that I was constantly focusing on how my husband is not loving me right with this and that, but wasn't putting any effort into figuring out how I could love him better. The moment I decided to love him regardless of his actions (remember, I'm not talking about an abusive relationship here), it made a huge difference and I got to learn more about what unconditional love, the most purest form of love, really is about. Love is the most powerful force on this earth and showering someone with it is going to make a difference. Shifting my focus from all the negativity also opened my eyes to see what a beautiful and wonderful man he is, flaws and all. Emphasising on the gold inside of the other person instead of always picking on the flaws, creates an environment for us to grow and become the best we can be. How well would you work on an assignment if you had someone constantly pointing out every flaw in your work to you? Empowering the good instead of fighting the bad is often the most fruitful and enjoyable option, in all areas of life.

This is in no way an exhaustive lis, but rather a few keys (from a very heavy keychain) that we've found extremely important. All of these tools can be used with any kind of relationship; family, friends, lovers. I definitely don't think we've figured it all out, an like I said, we still have so much to walk through, but if our lessons learned can be of any help to any relationship you're in right now, this post has found its purpose.



xxx

Photos by Eino Manner

Collard Shirt: COS

Black Knit: COS

Blazer: Zara

Jeans: Urban Outfitters

Booties: Acne