Should Monster

The past weeks I've been re-evaluating my actions and priorities. I noticed that I have beliefs and ways of living that don't necessarily represent who I really am, but who I think I need to be. The process began when my husband abruptly announced that someone is coming over in ten minutes and to my horror, our home was a at a state of chaos. This person had been to our place before, but this time, for whatever reason, I hadn't taken the time to take care of our home and it represented the absence of my efforts. Obviously I freaked out and started a cleaning operation so fast that Superman would have had trouble to keep up with me. During those ten short minutes I also used my words to express my numerous thoughts on how intensely I dislike situations like this and let my husband know what kind of a puddle he had pushed me in. As a kind and loving man he didn't waste a minute and helped me with my operation, but he also took a moment to ask me why on earth I'm making this such a big deal? Why do I care what this person thinks of our home? Obviously those words went straight into one ear and out the other, but after my anxiety had dropped enough I finally heard what he was saying...

I grew up in a family where my superwoman mother always took care that our home was in mint condition. She taught me valuable lessons that I'm grateful to have adopted as my own, but somewhere in the midst of living in our Finnish culture I learned that the state of my home represents me as a person. So if someone saw our mess, I felt like a failure. For the first time I recognised that lie and I realised that I had other standards as well, that make me feel very little if I don't reach them. Taking care of my home is still important to me and order around me gives me peace, but instead of it coming from an external pressure, it should come out of my own desire of having a clean home. The same goes with working out. If I drag myself to the gym simply to please others (with the body I might achieve), I've already reduced my chances of success to a minimum. Keeping up to those external standards is exhausting and usually leads to taking time away from things that really matter. As an achiever it's easy to get hung up on just executing some list of should do's, without even taking a moment to evaluate what I need to prioritise. 

Now I've taken some actions to kick that "should monster" in the guts and figure out what I'm really supposed to be focusing on. Instead of listening to that nagging voice telling me all the things that I should be like or I should do and accomplish, I take a deep breath, evaluate whether what I'm doing is to keep up some facade that doesn't even represent who I am, go back to my list of priorities to remind myself of my true identity and work from that standpoint. Time is our most valuable possession and filling it up with those "should do's" is not using it wisely, even if it satisfies the need for accomplishment. Working out of my true identity makes me also the most productive and accomplished I could be.

Do you have a "should monster"? Are your actions rooted in pleasing others or trying to fit a social norm? Is your motivation ingrained in external pressures or are you living from the inside out?

These are the questions I've been asking myself and maybe they'll bring fresh insight to your daily life as well.

Have a wonderful, hope filled week! 

xxx

Photos by my Love

Shirt: BikBok

Jeans: Billabong

Trench Coat: Zara

Shoes: Dr. Martens

Bag: Calvin Klein