Talented?

My striped pants have found their way into my winter closet. What better way to spice up the casual black and white outfit and give it a little edge? My handbag had been squished in my closet and left with these not so fancy wrinkles (the other side would have been perfectly fine), but I only noticed it after we took these pictures so please bare with me :)

In just three days we're starting the last month of 2014. In the previous years I've experienced some kind of panic at this point, feeling like I definitely didn't achieve all that I wanted and the ending of the year just really pointing that out. The worst thing about thinking that way is that it basically spoils the last month for me, because it convinces me that the game is already lost. Sounds like a completely ridiculous way of thinking (because it really is), but that has been my reality. This year it's different. I'm at peace with what this year has brought me and what I have a contributed to it. Of course there's always need for improvement and when I critically look at my circumstances, I know I could have done better. But I guess this is the first time I'm not comparing my achievements to someone else's, but actually seeing how far I've come in my own personal journey. This year I have overcome fears, built my identity, pursued my passions, travelled, loved fiercely, spent time with people I really care about and found new strengths in me. I did fail, get off track and almost give up at times, but I always got back up and continued from where I had left off. 

Recently I came across a couple articles on what successful people do differently. We naturally think that there's a lot of talent involved, hard work and maybe some luck. But these articles really challenged the talent part. What is talent in the end? We are so used to seeing great musicians concerts or top-athletes peak performances and ending up thinking how talented they are and yet if we asked any of them, they would right away point out to the extremely hard work they've put in to making it look so effortless. What if talent is more of an interest, but the people we label as "talented" just know how to turn that interest into success by the simple use of old school hard work? Heidi Grant Halvorson, PhD, a motivational psychologist and researcher listed some interesting differences between the successful ("talented") and unsuccessful mindsets. She calls it the Be Good vs. Get Better approach (you can watch her video here or read the article in Finnish here). She points out how in their studies researchers have found out two main mindsets that influence our motivation. The "be good" people (apparently most of us), who think that what they do, wether they succeed or fail, is a reflection of how good they are and the "get better" people, who instead of constantly trying to prove their greatness to the world, focus on improving and personal growth. Basically the "talented" people we all admire (or are jealous of), have most likely adapted the get better way of thinking. The most crucial feature of this mindset is that when faced with difficulties and adversities, it only motivates to work even harder which in turn pulls those dreams closer with every attempt.

This research pretty much put into words what I've experienced this past year. I used to be a be good person to the extreme and I can only say that it almost took me under. Now that I've worked on reprogramming my thinking from letting my doing define my identity to my identity defining my doing, from comparing myself with others to comparing myself with who I was before, I've already visibly felt the difference. These are not just some nice and fluffy words I wrap myself into just to make me feel good about myself but as stated before; even science backs it up. So if there is no such thing as natural talent, or lack thereof, but the real key to my success lies in my mind and the way I think, there aren't too many excuses why I shouldn't believe that I can really become whatever I put my beautiful, powerful mind on to. How about you?



xxx

Photos by Eino Manner

Jacket: Malene Birger

Jeans: Top Shop

Booties: Ralph Lauren

Music Monday

Todays pick was given to me by a dear friend of mine. Even though I would love to go on about  how beautiful this song and duo is, I feel like this time I need to keep quite and let the song speak for itself. 

Just…enjoy.

xxx

Ready For Love

Here are a couple more snapshots from our trip to CA and NYC last summer. Gosh I miss the US…the air, the people, the atmosphere, and that tan! I remember when there was a time when I didn't want to live there, because of all the bias attitudes and comments I'd listened to, and yet it became the one place I've felt the most at home. Obviously I've realised that home is where my people, family and friends are, but the past years I've had my closest people living across the globe and it seems like a distant fantasy to have everyone even in one country at the same time. Thank God for plains, trains, FaceTime, Skype and Whatsapp!

I wrote on one of my Music Mondays how loving yourself comes with a new, deeper love for others as well. We can only give from what we have. The past years I've slowly taken down the walls of "I won't let anyone hurt me again" and "No one will come that close to me" that I as a young woman vowed in the darkness of my pain and disappointment. Those vows made me immune to feeling the hurt and kept everyone around me at a distance. It was a safe place in the sense of protecting myself from possible sorrow, but it came with a cost. It kept me from experiencing the rawness and realness of love, the fulness of my existence. I was basically living only on the very surface in the ocean of life. Now that those forts have come down crumbling, I've been overwhelmed with the emotions it has brought. In our culture emotions are not of high value and rarely shown in public, but that hasn't stopped me. Letting myself feel the pain when faced with hurtful actions by people I love, hasn't made me weaker but healthier. I think all emotions find their way out one way or the other, but when they're suppressed it's usually detrimentally. Now I've made new vows. That I will cry as much as needed whenever I have the need for it. I will also fall deeper in love and let my closest people come frighteningly close. Yes, it means I'm positioned to being wounded by their mistakes, but for the first time I'm also positioned to receive the richness of unconditional love. No pain or sorrow can diminish it and no drug can replicate it. So here I am, open and undone. I am ready for love.

xxx