Unconditional

I just finished a five hour FaceTime call with my friend/sister in California. There's just nothing like sharing life to every little detail, the good and the bad, and having someone who accepts you, encourages you and loves you the way you are. I hope every single person on this planet could experience relationships like that.

Talking of relationships… I think they are one of the most complicated and fascinating subjects of all time. Being married for over six years now has given me some insight, even though I know I've only touched the tip of the iceberg and that's really the beauty of it. It never gets boring because there's always more to discover, if you're ready to put in the work, go deep and dare to become naked, in other ways than just physically. One of the key revelations I've learned during these years, is the art of picking the plank out of my own eye before making a scene of the speck of sawdust in my husbands eye. In other words, work on my problems instead of only focusing on his. There was a time where I thought I was doing quite a good job as a wife and not understanding why my man is not living up to those standards. I couldn't have been more wrong. Emphasising his flaws only made me blind to all the areas he was excelling in and most importantly, the areas I was heavily failing at. Real love is unconditional, but mine had a list of conditions. If you did these things.. or If you stopped doing this.. were part of my regular "love language" and yet I wondered why I wasn't getting what I wanted. Thank God there was a point where a light bulb went off and I realised that you get what you sow. So with my nagging and complaining I reaped exactly that. It was quite a humbling moment to understand the selfishness of my actions, but when I finally did, I was able to change the course. I began to swallow my ego, look at the things I was falling short in and work on them. I figured out what his primary love languages are (based on the book The Five Love Languages by Gary D. Chapman, you can find out your love languages here) and began to love him in those ways, without conditions. It really changed the atmosphere in our relationship and took us to a deeper level of love. Of course it's important to take care of your own needs and speak openly if you feel like they are not met, but before blaming the other person for your issues, it never hurts to check out your own eye first. And this goes for all relationships, wether it's friends or family… I think learning to love well must be the most important assignment in our quest of a fulfilled life.

xxx

Photos by Eino Manner

Trench Coat: TopShop

Turtleneck: H&M

Jeans: Zara