Focused

A while back I read a funny blogpost by a finnish blogger (unfortunately I can't remember the name but if you do, please comment below), which was filled with sarcastic humour on what is expected of a modern day woman. She listed all the essentials like having a perfectly decorated home that's always squeaky clean, working out five times a week, eating only health foods and green smoothies, have a successful career, volunteer in meaningful organisations, have a large group of friends, travel often, have multiple hobbies, look glamorous at all times, have a passionate love life, dress like a fashionista, use time wisely and never waste it…you know, the basics. At first I laughed at it, thinking how crazy the list was, but then it hit me. I've been a victim of that mindset as well, thinking that we're supposed to thrive in everything at all times. I looked back at my life and recognised this pattern, where I time and again decided to change my life for the good and start, well, living the life described above. 

The other day I was trying to get my husbands attention and was calling his name quite a few times without getting any reply (familiar anyone?). He just kept on writing on his phone which obviously irritated me and I made some remark on how all men are like that. After he was finished with his writing he looked at me and explained (in a quite annoyed manner) that he was composing an e-mail and likes to focus on one thing at a time instead of giving fractions of his attention to multiple matters. A light bulb went off. 

Every time I've tried to make those lifestyle changes, I've crashed pretty quickly, not able to keep up the pace. Usually I've ended up at a pity party with me, myself and I and wondered what's wrong with me. Why am I not able to be a powerful woman (or at least what our society describes as a powerful woman)? First of all trying to start ten new habits and kill twenty old one's at the same time, is just always going to be a bad idea. But the black-and-white-do-it-all-perfectly-or-not-at-all part of me always wanted to put my life on track with one big swing. By learning to be more graceful and loving towards myself, I've understood that I don't have to thrive in everything at all times. As long as there's life in all area's, even if it's just a teeny tiny bud that's visible, I can be proud of myself. Because music is the love of my life and I've had some issues with working on it on a practical level (as I shared here), I've had to let go of everything that might be distracting me for a while, just to get that wheel spinning. For example I haven't really gone to the gym as much lately, because it's not a priority right now. Often when I have a lot on my plate and my schedule is crazy, our home looks like the house in Jumanji (the scene with the monkeys is the right picture). I also tend to neglect my family, when I'm busy with everything around me.

We shouldn't take all this extra pressure of having to meet the perfectionists standards, but instead have growth as the goal. Look at our journey and be proud of the development, even if it's going from zero to one instead of one hundred. Focus on one or two things at a time and dare to pause the non-vitals for a while, even if it makes us look like we don't have everything under control. Not be afraid of time, but embrace the fact that only in time we are able to mature and reach our full potential. Listen to our hearts instead of all the other voices and follow its lead. That to me is the description of a truly powerful woman.

xxx

Photos by Eino Manner

Leather Jacket: Zara

Long Cardigan: Vila

Jeans: Urban Outfitters

Shoes: Urban a

Hat: H&M