Unconditional

I just finished a five hour FaceTime call with my friend/sister in California. There's just nothing like sharing life to every little detail, the good and the bad, and having someone who accepts you, encourages you and loves you the way you are. I hope every single person on this planet could experience relationships like that.

Talking of relationships… I think they are one of the most complicated and fascinating subjects of all time. Being married for over six years now has given me some insight, even though I know I've only touched the tip of the iceberg and that's really the beauty of it. It never gets boring because there's always more to discover, if you're ready to put in the work, go deep and dare to become naked, in other ways than just physically. One of the key revelations I've learned during these years, is the art of picking the plank out of my own eye before making a scene of the speck of sawdust in my husbands eye. In other words, work on my problems instead of only focusing on his. There was a time where I thought I was doing quite a good job as a wife and not understanding why my man is not living up to those standards. I couldn't have been more wrong. Emphasising his flaws only made me blind to all the areas he was excelling in and most importantly, the areas I was heavily failing at. Real love is unconditional, but mine had a list of conditions. If you did these things.. or If you stopped doing this.. were part of my regular "love language" and yet I wondered why I wasn't getting what I wanted. Thank God there was a point where a light bulb went off and I realised that you get what you sow. So with my nagging and complaining I reaped exactly that. It was quite a humbling moment to understand the selfishness of my actions, but when I finally did, I was able to change the course. I began to swallow my ego, look at the things I was falling short in and work on them. I figured out what his primary love languages are (based on the book The Five Love Languages by Gary D. Chapman, you can find out your love languages here) and began to love him in those ways, without conditions. It really changed the atmosphere in our relationship and took us to a deeper level of love. Of course it's important to take care of your own needs and speak openly if you feel like they are not met, but before blaming the other person for your issues, it never hurts to check out your own eye first. And this goes for all relationships, wether it's friends or family… I think learning to love well must be the most important assignment in our quest of a fulfilled life.

xxx

Photos by Eino Manner

Trench Coat: TopShop

Turtleneck: H&M

Jeans: Zara

Music Mondays

I just realised I've posted a lot of music by female artists lately, so who better to balance it out than Luther Vandross. His voice must have been made of pure silk and satin. This song takes me back to an ordinary day of cooking with my husband and Luther blasting his smooth tunes in the background.  In all its simplicity, it's one of my most romantic memories and we have a lot of them... Instead of always longing to find romance, happiness or satisfaction in things that are out of the regular, like grand trips or fancy restaurants, it's more rewarding to stop and find the joy in the everyday affairs. Of course it's fun and important to break out of routines and spice life up with new adventures, but it would be sad to become someone who only really lives on vacations, date nights or special occasions. My challenge lately has been instead of being grumpy about having to wash the dishes (it's really one of my least favourite things to do), I've turned the music up and made it a "Dancing with the dishes" moment instead. It sounds maybe too easy, but becoming more present and cultivating a thankful heart, really does make a difference in the daily life. Kind of like changing the picture from black and white to seeing the whole prism of colours. Why not give it a try?

xxx

Honest Heart

I found these pictures from our trip last summer to the US and since I haven't posted them, I decided to do it now. Better late than never, right? We had a wonderful time in San Diego, celebrating our dear friends' wedding. We were both part of the wedding party, so sadly I have no pictures of the ceremony, but even thinking about it now gives me chills… Just imagine the ceremony held outside, with San Diego's skyline as the backdrop, the bride walking up from a misty beach and the sun hanging low in the late afternoon. It was like from a fantasy. But honestly, even if I had had a camera in my hand, it would have been useless…some moments are meant to be seen with our bare eyes and not through a lens. After the wedding we went up to Los Angeles and I even had a chance to make a stop in my beloved NYC, but I'll post some of those pictures later.

I notice how writing my blog becomes more difficult when I'm not really connected to my heart. It's easy to fill every day with things to do, from morning till night, so that I don't have to ask myself how I'm really doing. Why am I feeling frustrated? I might blame it on the messy home, some annoying person or the horrible traffic, but if my heart was doing good, I wouldn't have these buttons to push on. What has triggered this restlessness? Pulling away from the pain seems to be the natural response, but I've learned that there's a greater reward in going towards it. Sitting down and letting myself feel my heavy heart, not being afraid of what it holds. Being honest to myself. Crying if I need to, even if I'm not sure why. Someone might think of it as a waste of time, but I see it as a strength. I rather keep track of my hearts inventory on a regular basis, than find myself unhappy and unsatisfied because I never understood to restock on what's missing.

xxx