Urban Mood

Sometimes I feel like there are a couple different personalities living inside of me. Part of me loves structure, schedules and routines, but the other gets absolutely bored and claustrophobic by even thinking about them. I'm loud, outgoing and crazy, but I enjoy having things in order, being honourable and in leadership. At times our apartment looks like Korea targeted it's nuclear weapons at our living room, and the next day I'll have it cleaned up, walls and ceilings and all. The past two years of being self-deployed, I've had to work on cracking the code to what a fruitful and happy life looks like for me. An article I read recently stated that when you ask a Finnish person how they are, they will usually tell you what they've been doing and when they say they've been busy, it's basically just a synonym for "I am important". 

We identify ourselves so much with what we do, that at times I feel like we're being productive only to convince ourselves (and people around us) that we are, indeed, important. Doing what I love definitely boosts my mood and energy levels and I think it's crucial for everyone to stay active. It's in our DNA to create, produce and grow and loosing the ability to do that, would restrain our souls from being satisfied. But a successful life is not necessary equal to a busy schedule. I firmly believe in working hard for my dreams, even when it feels like walking through knee-high mud, but often in the midst of making sure that I seem busy, I don't end up putting my time into the things that really matter. During this time of figuring out how to live at my full potential I've had to list my core values and priorities and read them multiple times to remind myself of what I'm really supposed to be focusing on, at this moment. At times, being effective in certain areas has been about taking care of my heart and laying a solid foundation to build upon. On the outside that has usually looked like doing pretty much nothing but more than anything, I've learned that it's the inside that counts. If I'm not successful in managing my heart, how can I expect to manage a successful life, let alone lead others successfully? 

I've also discovered that the wise understand their seasons and act accordingly. There have been moments I've felt like I needed to draw back to process, heal or re-charge myself. Neglecting that call has usually led only to frustration and disappointment. It's exactly those times that have paved the way for the risk-taking-busyschedule-workinghard seasons, getting rid of unnecessary baggage that would have dragged me down, hindering me from reaching that full potential. I've learned that all those different sides of me have their place and time. Nurturing my body, soul and spirit equally is what a truly successful is about even if it seems unprofitable or offensive to others. I guess it all boils down to the question: Who do I live for?

xxx

Photos by Adriana Dobrin

Coat: Malene Birger

Sweater: Urban A

Overalls: Zara

Shoes: Wolverine

Beanie: Urban Outfitters

Tote: Zara