Authenticity

This day we (me and my wonderful photographer Adriana) were lucky to have temperature above freezing, but it was compensated with an unruly wind that left my legs so cold that I had to keep them under covers for an hour until they warmed up again. The challenges of writing a blog this far from the equator are numerous, but they won't stop me. Music Mondays didn't happen this week because of one of the funniest human errors, I simply didn't realise it was monday! The rest of the week I've been so busy with other projects, that it had to wait untill next week, so stay tuned :)

Authenticity. That's what I'm on the search for. If you've spent any amount of time, let alone years, being insecure, the sad truth is that there's a great possibility you've lost some of it. During my years of self consciousness I tried to fit myself into the generally accepted moulds of how to live, look or sound like and it ate me at the core. The past years I've been picking up the pieces of my being that those times of low self-esteem tore down. Slowly but surely it is building up to something beautiful, like it was from the beginning, and the scars that are left I wear with pride because they represent the journey of becoming who I am today. It hasn't been easy walking through all of it, but now that most of the fears have been dealt with I'm getting to the more fun part. Right now I'm focusing on reminding myself of who I am and who I've been for 24 years but have hidden behind different masks. Stripping down to the very core of my existence and asking myself what do I really like, what do I sound like, who am I when I'm not held down by any fears or external pressures. My thought process has been incredibly influenced by filtering everything through what someone else thinks of this, whether it's been about buying clothes or singing my songs. I've had to adapt a whole new way of thinking to get back to the essence of myself. Obviously we are all influenced by our surroundings and I think it's beautiful that we get to build on each others achievements, but we all have our unique flavour that can't be replaced or reproduced by anyone else. If we loose that in the middle of trying to fit in or be accepted, we become bland and grey, loosing all the heavenly colours painted on our very souls. It takes courage to be freely yourself because there are no walls in between your heart and the (most likely) judgements of others, but if our identity is built on what people think of us we are already on unstable ground that will never carry us to where our dreams would take us. For creativity to flow through us freely we have to live completely open and fearlessly, which in return will guide us to the very wells of authenticity.

xxx

Photos by Adriana Dobrin

Leather Jacket: Zara

Vest: H&M

Pants: Zara

Shoes: Dr.Martens

Hat: H&M

Crossbody: a gift