Music Monday

So far I've lived on two continents, 3 countries,7 cities and 13 homes. Approximately I've moved every second year of my life. My story is not unusual in our ever changing world where jobs are international and traveling is easier as ever. The constant moving taught me to say goodbye (the least hurtful way) and how to adapt quickly to new places and situations. What I didn't realise was that I also learned how to keep myself at a distance from people. I made friends easily, but from a young age I understood that they might not stay in my life and the time for goodbyes might come again. So I built a defence mechanism that was going to protect myself from the hurt, by not letting people have my heart completely. 

Last year we were in California for five weeks to go to a wedding, enjoy the weather and see our friends. When the last day of our stay rolled up, I woke up with a lump in my throat. It was unclear to me why it was there, so I decided to ignore it. Obviously it wasn't the best way to deal with it so it ended up only growing until it seemed like I couldn't get a word out of my mouth. It wasn't until my dear friend looked at me and said, "Suvi, maybe you should cry?", that I couldn't hold it in anymore and waterfalls came streaming down my face. As I was sitting there sobbing, baffled by the volume of my emotions, I felt slightly embarrassed by my reaction. Didn't I know how to say goodbye without turning it into a scene? I've been here so many times before, what's different now?

I had let these people into my life. It had been a process of learning to be vulnerable for the first time, pursuing friendship and finding the most amazing second family a girl could ask for. And now I felt pain, because I wasn't going to see them for a long time. I was going to miss them, because a piece of my heart was going to stay in America. 

That's when I realised that missing someone or something is actually not negative. It means that you've lived freely, shared your heart and been vulnerable. It means you have had or still have someone/something so wonderful in your life that the pain of not seeing them is overwhelming. So that pain means you have been blessed.

To celebrate that blessing, I couldn't think of any better song than Sam Smiths live version of Lay me down. His interpretation, in all it's simplicity and passion is a pure presentation of a heart shared and filled with love. If you are missing someone or something right now, let yourself feel it and be grateful for what you've had the chance to experience.

xxx