Music Mondays

Today I write with a heavy heart. The past weeks haven't been easy and I'm tired of the fight. But you know, it's ok not be ok. It's ok to cry and feel the pain. It's perfectly fine to feel like everything's not in my control, because truthfully it never even was. Right now I'm only focusing on today and that's ok too. Sometimes we go through seasons where we're just leaping over every obstacle and nothing seems to be able to oppose us, but there are the times when all we can do is to stand, and stand firm. In those seasons it's important to let go of all extra pressure, listen to your heart and find the time to be still and process. Not being afraid of just standing and letting go of the stress of always having to move forward.
It's ok not to be ok.

xxx

In It's Right Time

This week I read this quote by someone (apparently) unknown: 

"Direction is so much more important than speed. Many are going nowhere fast." 

I've seen this quote before, but this time I had to actually stop and really think about it. I've been pursuing my dreams for a while now and one thing I've learned is that it looks a lot different from what I imagined it to be. I've come to understand that as important (or maybe even more) as actually reaching that dream is the journey. Achieving those dreams will only stand as milestones on my lifespan and the whole in-betweens are going to be filled with the process of getting there. Those process is what shapes me, teaches me and makes me who I am. Until I understood that principle, I was only living in the future and completely missing out on the present. Getting to my dreams ASAP could not stay as a core value. It was only depriving me from the riches only lived life could offer, no matter how much society tried to make it seem like the best way to follow.

I've also had to re-evaluate my directions multiple times along the way. The peace of knowing that I am exactly where I'm supposed to be at the moment, creates an atmosphere where everything else can flow freely from. It doesn't matter what my life looks like on the outside and caring about other peoples opinions is just a waste of time, because they are not the ones' walking in my shoes. I've often had to make choices that have seemed irrational to people around me, but my peace has told me otherwise and through trial and error I've learned to trust it's voice.

Of course it's great to achieve dreams and goals quickly, but we shouldn't make that the priority. Working hard, being dedicated and focused, understanding your own journey and following your peace will take us there, in it's right time.



xxx

Photos by Adriana Dobrin

Shirt: Madewell

Jeans: Topshop

Booties: Acne

Beanie: Urban Outfitters

Music Mondays

I believe love is more than just an emotion, some passing feeling that comes and goes as it pleases. It is more than a word, easily dropped at any given moment. I believe love is the reason for our existence. The more I come to understand about this life, the more I am convinced that we have been created for love, to be loved, to love. I've seen it heal the incurable, pierce through the unbreakable and dissolve the greatest darkness. I believe the greatest quest for a person is to learn how to love, how to be loved and to search out what love is, in it's deepest and most powerful form. I've been hurt, beaten down, abandoned and rejected. I've felt the absence of love and the bitter pain it brings, but through it all, through every circumstance I have faced, love has never failed. 

Tina Dico's Someone You Love is what brings all of these thoughts to my mind. For me the thing that sets apart a great song from good ones is when I feel the music instead of just hearing it. Those are the songs that I'll come back to over and over, because it almost feels like it's lyrics and melodies just keep on giving and opening up by every play. And this, my dear reader, is one of the greats.

xxx

Ps. Kiitti Nepu ♡

Baby Girl Taking Over

For some reason we like to categorise things and put everything in a box. All my life I tried to fit into different ones but nothing felt comfortable. I am a very strong personality, but I cry all the time. My greatest passion is music and all creativity, but I also happen to love math and logic. Some days I want to dress like the ultimate business woman and on others like I raided my husband closet. Being a wife is one of my greatest joys, supporting my husbands and learning what true love is, but I'm also very independent and need my own space and things going on. I've stopped to apologise if I don't fit the pre-made molds I'm expected to live in. It's just so much more fun to use all the colours in my palette.

Being a woman is not always that simple. For us to be taken serious, we are expected to dress, act, talk and live in certain ways. If we decide to be different, we're easily labeled as difficult, bossy, superficial, slutty or moody. Feminism has received a negative ring to it and a lot of people, even women, wrongly perceive it as a club of man haters. Quoting Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie the definition of a feminist is: "…a person who believes in the social, political and economic equality of the sexes." You can find her whole speech "We should all be feminists" on Ted talks, I whole heartedly recommend it. The feminist movement started already decades ago and even though a lot has changed we still have issues to tackle. But instead of trying to fit into a mold created by a society ruled by men, why can't we take over by being exactly who we are? For me, being a feminist does not mean trying to be a man or thinking I'm the same as a man, because that would just be putting me in another box. So why do I try to compete with rules set up by men? Isn't it time to change them? Isn't it time to use humanities full potential and not only the blacks and whites, when there's a rainbow of colours available?

 I'm a woman. I dress like a woman, talk like a woman and walk like a woman. I like pink lipstick and sassy heels. I'm also an advocate for abolishing modern day slavery.

What we identify as strong, world changing or leadership material is for us to define. But it requires people to take the risk of embracing who they are and accepting others just the same. 

Are you ready for the challenge?

xxx

Photos by Adriana Dobrin

Cropped hoodie: Urban Outfitters

Jeans: Urban Outfitters

Boots: Dr. Martens

Jacket: Somewhere in CA

Leather tote: Zara

Music Mondays

Alicia Keys came out with new material and I have to say this girl is on fire! Her song is titles "We are here" and with it she has started a whole social media uproar challenging people to ask themselves why we are here. I think the question couldn't be any better. It's the truth that keeps us moving and yet we are rarely even aware of it. I still remember the moment I felt a strong sense of my existence. It was a regular grey day, I was sitting on the metro and going through a pretty rough day. It all felt meaningless in that moment and all I wanted to do was give up, when suddenly I had a revelation. The battles I'm fighting in my personal life are not only for my own gain. The victories I attain are going to impact my children, children's children and every person I come in touch with. The weaknesses I conquer will turn into strengths and because I've gone through the process of dealing with them, I am able to release those keys to someone who's going through the same struggles. It's the big picture. My life is not only for myself and the real beauty is in sharing it.

I haven't always been able to think that way simply because I had a mindset that there isn't enough for everyone and I have to make sure my own needs are taken care of. But when I began to grasp my true identity, that I'm not in a competition for resources or places of power and that no one else can bring to this earth what has been placed inside of me, I understood the wealth in giving. It is the essence of our existence. To understand what we've been given and release it all around us.

I am here to abolish slavery, release a new sound and re-define the meaning of beauty.
Why are you here?



xxx

Dreaming of Santorini

Oh Santorini…on these grey and rainy days, I think of your rich blue sea and wondrous sunsets, where light slowly embraced the horizon and sunk into the ocean dressed in fire. My mouth waters at the thought of your bountiful cuisine, the fresh produce of a well nurtured soil. How alive I felt, driving down your mountains, feeling the sweet summer breeze ease the heat, jumping off cliffs into clear waters and holding his hand in mine all along…

No, I'm not exaggerating. This trip was one that makes me want to write poems. It came at the right moment, providing exactly what my heart needed at that time. Carefree days, beauty in all its forms and most importantly quality time with my love.
I used to be the person who constantly needed to be on the move and dreaded the days when I had to come back home. Don't get me wrong, I still love traveling and it will always stay a high priority in my life, but it was more a way of escaping not only external circumstances but internal as well. It's easier to be my happy, peaceful and fully alive self when detached from all the triggers everyday life presents. Of course it's important to take breaks from our routines, but the good life shouldn't be the few weeks of the year in some far away paradise (or some distant dream filled with "If only"'s). Real happiness springs forth from learning to thrive in all situations and circumstances.

Last night I went for a run after too many gymless days and the moment I stepped out it started raining cats and dogs. Instead of making it an excuse and hide away at home, I embraced it's refreshing invitation and ended up having one of the best workouts, for my body and soul. With every step I took my heart grew more joyful and I must have looked like a complete lunatic running in the pouring rain with a wide grin on my face. But with every step I was breathing in the cold air, feeling the ground under my feet and the heavy rain on my skin and I felt so alive…thats when I realised. This is how I am meant to feel during life's rainy and gloomy days. I have the choice. Am I going to bury myself into my comfort zone, complaining about my circumstances or am I going to dance and run in the rain?
I believe that every situation we face has the potential of either becoming a poor waste of time or a growing experience. And the choice is ours to make. This doesn't mean pretending not to feel the heaviness of those seasons and putting on a mask, but instead of focusing and pouring all energy into the negative, deciding to look for the diamonds and treasures hidden along the way.
Instead of letting the darkness cover into it's hopelessness, creating cracks of light by thankfulness and a focus on the truth. We breathe. We feel. We are alive. And what are lives will be, is shaped by our decisions.



xxx

Photos by me and mi hombre

Editing: Eino Manner

Music Mondays

This past week has been a rougher one so I wanted to share today one of those songs I listen to over and over again when things around are spinning and I need to come back to that inner peace.

All of my life I've been taught to not listen to my feelings, that rational thinking is of much greater value than any emotionally based solutions. I do agree that we shouldn't be managed by our feelings, since they can lead us to unhealthy decisions, but there is also the other side of the coin.
I've always been very sensitive and an intense feeler. So because of the message I heard from my surroundings, I tried to suppress those feelings and learn how to be "stronger" and more "stable". In reality I was suppressing a part of me that has now become one of my greatest strengths. See, it wasn't my rational thinking that made me move to another continent, leave everything safe and comfortable behind and start a journey that has defined the rest of my life. It wasn't my logic that brought me to the conclusion of marrying at a young age and commit my life to this man I've been together with now for eight years. Actually every single life changing choice I've made hasn't had anything to do with using my common sense. There's always been a feeling, a small voice inviting me to take risks and fight against my fears.

It has taken time to learn when my feelings are guiding me to truth and when they are simply a production of whatever is going on around or inside me. But I believe a healthy heart makes healthy decisions and that's precisely why the condition of my heart will always be a priority. This song has been exactly what my heart has needed this week and I hope it will speak to yours too.



xxx

In The Grey

I haven't been a fan of patterned tights before, but these hearty ones were too cute to pass on. They spike up any dress or skirt in no time.

An embellished top can be easily dressed up or down. I picked this one for its masculine cut to contrast it's ornamentation.

It's interesting how life seems to be a constant balance between different tensions. We need to stay active to develop, but it's in resting that we grow and are able to process what we've learned. It's necessary to have self-discipline to manage pushing through any obstacle, yet a healthy and strong heart needs attention and nourishment as well. We have to fail to learn how to succeed. I believe in good and bad, but sometimes that line isn't clean-cut and different shades of grey are present.

As a black and white kind of person I often find myself in the extremes. If my project has been making a change to my lifestyle and health, I've went on a three month no sugar, no dairy, no gluten diet (which actually did make an incredible difference to my health), gone to the gym five times a week and made sure I eat all the super food possible daily. If it's been about learning to prioritise and use my time wisely, I've scheduled precisely every minute of the day for the week ahead. If I've wanted to re-decorate our home a little, I've ended up throwing everything old away and changing the whole interior completely. I also happen to like sprints. But life is more like a marathon and it's simply impossible to sprint for long distances.

I've had to learn how to accept the greys. I won't always succeed and staying on a very restrictive diet for the rest of my life, honestly, would only make my heart grow bitter. But I guess I've been afraid that if I don't go all the way, I won't make it. Whatever "it" is at the moment. When in reality that kind of thinking has kept me in a cycle where I've quickly burned out my energy and focus, and have been left gathering myself after failing at meeting the unrealistic standards I've set for myself. Being kind and patient with myself and re-evaluating what success and failure mean to me has actually led me much further than those short spurts ever did. It's ok to get everything done very well one week and have a few set backs the next. If you are able to stay focused, hopeful and moving, you're still succeeding! It's easy to get lost in what is going on right now or recently, but we also need to keep in mind the big picture. We have our whole lives to live and even though it's important to be intentional at all times, I've stopped beating myself up, because todays "failure" might bring forth tomorrows strength.



xxx

Photos by Adriana Dobrin

Embellished sweater: Nordstrom

Denim skirt: American apparel 

Tights: H&M

Booties: Ralph Lauren

Handbag: Calvin Klein

Music Mondays

One reason why I began to do these music mondays was obviously my personal passion for it, but also because I feel like music is so much more than just some intelligently organised sounds. It has a power, that can open up the deep layers of existence, peeling down all walls and touch the very core of our being. No matter what your culture, gender, age, job or musical ear is, music speaks to everyone, anywhere. Too often it has been reduced to money or fame, staining it's pure and vivid force. Also when trained musically, it's easy to only hear the technicalities in a performance and miss completely the heart behind it. I think music is meant to be a reflection of the very soul of it's performer and that's where it's power originates. It's not meant to be perfect and sterilised like an operating room, but raw, relatable and wonderfully flawed. And that's why I believe music belongs to everyone, not just musicians and professionals. Every human being carries their own sound, even if everyones 

 isn't meant to be recorded. Don't underestimate the power of your voice and the sound written inside of you.

I was first introduced to Fatai through a friend of mine who posted one of her covers online and was immediately sold. She has the rare equation of real talent and a pure love for music. With many of her covers, it's like your able to look straight into her soul. I'm eagerly waiting for her own production and hoping for it to come out soon. I hope her sound inspires you like it inspired me.

xxx